It is those times when you have built up your confidence, or have had to have others build it up for you, that you realise you are not as great as you seem.

The painful part about this is both that I have absolutely no power to change my pretty-but-not-pretty-enough looks, not am I able to be objective and judge for myself.

Part of this might be that when you want something so badly, you either go all in, or you go all out, and I would like very much to go all in, on everything. When you have such high aspirations, you try so hard that everything about them just looks good, or it all looks bad.

Dreams, hopes, and goals are either or.

I study, I have not done for a week because I was inundated and physically had too stop, but I do, and I constantly try to better myself. I think that I will use this week to go mirror free, camera free, study free, and judgement free. I think that I will.

I want to be happy all of the time, but I don’t know how at the moment, everything seems a bit above me, whilst simultaneously feeling right there in front of me.

Game on.

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