You can’t because I won’t allow it

Breathe in, I hear your sharp inhale, okay, good, now breathe out.   See? It's all going to be okay, you're only human, just breathe, but softly, no, not like that,   can you feel your lungs, in out, isn't it amazing you're only human   I'm going to touch your hand, okay? Do you…

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Let’s straighten up

This blog used to be more think pieces than broken pieces. Now it's my mind on a page. So here, I suppose, is my mind. Eating is hard. The hardest part is fighting the urge to just not do it. I want to not though, God I want to. I am in this whole recovery…

feed me

feed me to the lions, watch them tango, hear them roar, as they move back and forth, and tango with my limbs. twist the rope, tight, around my neck, and on my skin, i want you to burn me. go on, do it, everybody wants to. watch them tear me limb, from limb, ripping my…

Outside of myself

Like breaking 1000 glasses. I look at myself, in the mirror. I notice the hills and troughs of my face, the curves of its womanly shape. My face is confident. Eyes, my own, roam my face, my pale skin, dry skin, warm skin. My own eyes look back at me, challenging me, piercing blue- some…

How to untie a knot

A poem.   I finger the delicate bind of the rope, The frays lace between my fingertips, they teach me how to laugh; it tickles.   I feel the spiral of its bind, up, up and on forever, it seems, the ivy wall of the rope, reaches up as it teaches me how to climb.…

Orienteering

This is on feeling my skin but not being able to touch it, of plaiting my hair only for it to become undone. Its sister specialises in turning up the volume only to feel nothing and in writing when the sensation of communication is lost in all words. What's worse: wanting to be loved, or…

Kissing girls

Kissing you is like kissing stars. Girls are soft and delicate, beautiful and strong, powerful and bold. Girls kiss with intention and they kiss like they mean it. Girls mean it. Kissing you is like kissing pillows, you are beautiful and intelligent, witty and enthusiastic. You are out of my reach. You like me and…

Fuck Yah

Exams done. I am going to read so much. You have no idea. This list of things that I am going to do is very long- I have been under so much stress and have worked non-stop, revising almost every night for the past two years. I have revised at least 8 hours a day…

God I can’t wait to write.

What is it to write? To write is to create, to sing and to dance to music with no sound, and to hear the call of the birds when there is no nature. To write is an invitation to be elsewhere. It is the remedy to all sadness, the food of hunger and water of…