I think I’m very depressed. I have a headache.
Everything hurts in my body. I can’t sit still. I am sat still but what I mean is that even when I am, I hurt. I ache all over and I just want it to stop, I want to feel light again; but right now I feel heavy. Like a lot of dark moon energy is blasting down on me and around me.
I want to stop feeling so confused. I am in pain. I don’t know what is going on; everything around me is this long list of to-dos and I-wants and my goals and my hopes and my dreams and I’m not doing any of it- but I can’t do anything because I am paralysed by fear and confusion.
I don’t know how to feel. Every emotion backfires- it either ends or I get to cocky- I think I’m going to remain happy and I start doing happy things. And then I regret it.
I just want to be okay. I want to scream and thrash and smash a fucking plate because I so badly just want it to be okay but it’s not and it probably won’t be for a while. Everything now matters later and I can’t handle that.